Chapters Of Love
by DowntonIsMyLife
Summary: Carson and Mrs Hughes manage to misplace their diaries and end up with each others during a London season.
1. Chapter 1

**This is set around episode 6 of series 1, I know this is when the first Bates issue happened but I've left that out :)**

As it did every year, the London season was fast approaching, it was the usual rush around to get the girls ready and this year was especially hectic as it was Lady Sybil's first season. Mrs Hughes was busy helping Anna, on any other day Anna was perfectly capable of seeing to all three girls herself but she needed an extra pair of hands when she had to pack their clothes. Combined with the extra work, Mrs Hughes was also tackling the daily challenges that came in the form of Mrs Patmore and Thomas (thankfully Miss O'Brien was helping her ladyship so was out of her way.) As usual, she would argue with Mrs Patmore over the key to the store cupboard then have to go and save William from the malicious bullying from Thomas.

She was thankful by the evening to be able to put her feet up in her sitting room, it wasnt that late, everyone else would still be up but she poured herself a glass of wine, sat with her journal on her lap, removed her shoes and rubbed her feet. She propped them up at the other end of her settee and began to write the happenings of the day.

She was disturbed by a knock at the door and Mr Carson came in on her call. He smiled a tired smile at her,

"Oh, you look busy" he nodded towards her glass.

"No I'm not, come in" She swung her feet to the floor and placed her glass on the table next to her. "Was there something you wanted to discuss?"

He stayed at the door, "not specifically, I just wanted to see if you wanted to come and sit with me in my pantry, as we haven't spoken all day. But if you're busy don't worry" He added quickly, turning to leave.

"How about you come and sit with me, I'll get you a glass of wine" she smiled as she got up, he left for a moment then returned holding a burgundy leather journal.

He thanked her as she handed him a glass and he sat in the chair opposite her, she resumed her position with her feet at the other end.

"I take it you were planning to do work tonight?" she nodded towards the book

"No, I've had enough work one day, I just needed to relax" he exhaled deeply and took a sip from him glass "thank you for this, good choice"

She smiled modestly, 'you don't work with Mr Carson for 11 years and not learn a thing or ten about how to choose the best wine' she thought, attempting to hide her laugh.

They sat in silence, writing, the fire and the occasional clink of glasses were the only sound. They could sit in silence, yet it would be enough for them that they were in the same room together, two very close friends spending time with each other. He enjoyed this.

"Is there any reason you're staring at me Mr Carson?" She didn't look up when she said this but it took him by surprise, he didn't realise he was staring at her, he'd just fallen into a daydream and she happened to be where he was staring.

"Beg your pardon Mrs Hughes, I blanked out for a moment" he returned to his writing but they were both interrupted by an impatient knock at the door and a frantic Anna came in;

"Mrs Hughes? Oh, Mr Carson, Lady Sybil got injured in the rally in Ripon, she's been taken to Crawley house and is on her way back now.

They exchanged horrified glances and got up, Mr Carson left his journal on his chair and once she'd put on her shoes, Mrs Hughes through hers next to his.

When they returned they were both considerably worn out from the stress of the last half an hour.

"I think I'll turn in Mrs Hughes, I'll see you in the morning before I leave" he smiled and went to leave.

"Ooh Mr Carson you forgot your book" she grabbed the nearest one off the chair an handed it to him. "If I don't get to say tomorrow, enjoy London and don't miss us too much" she winked at him as he left.

She turned off the lamps in her sitting room, carefully placing the other journal in her drawer before making her way up to bed.

Very appreciative of reviews :) Always like new ideas, or things to improve on :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Been writing this bit by bit this week, often in lessons ;)**

Mr Carson sat in a compartment on the train with Mr Bates, Anna and William (Miss O'Brien and Thomas were elsewhere and if he was honest, he couldn't care less.) Bates was speaking softly to Anna as William stared blankly out of the window, he was clearly worried about his mother, having heard from Lady Mary that she was ill.  
>Carson stood up to open his bag, resting in the overhead storage, taking out the burgundy journal out. He sat back down, getting his fountain pen out of his pocket, none of companions appeared to notice he'd even stood up.<br>The journey was long and tiring, Anna had fallen asleep on Bates's shoulder and he rested his head on her as he read his book. William now had his chin resting on his fist, engrossed in his thoughts while watching the countryside whizz by.  
>He sighed as he opened the journal but stared at the page, his handwriting seemed very curly, he flicked through a few pages, it was the same curly handwriting. He frowned and closed the book, hoping it would change back when he opened it, but when he opened it, the page it fell on was the inside cover and he stared at the two words printed there;<p>

' _Elsie Hughes'_

'Oh no' he groaned, she must have given him the wrong journal. He couldn't tell what was more worrying; The fact that she now had his journal or his temptation to read hers.  
>He'd been wanting to find a way to tell her how he felt, but he wasn't sure this was the right way. He'd always wanted to know if she'd ever felt the same way towards him, the temptation to read was too great. 'No!' He was supposed to be her friend, what kind of friend invades someone else's privacy? But he had a month without his own journal and all he had was hers, she would be likely to read his and there was a high chance it would make for entertaining reading.<br>He sat there staring blankly ahead before deciding to read, but he promised himself if it became private information he would stop.

_7th June 1891_

_My first year is finally over, today marks a year since I became head housemaid here at Downton, it's gone so fast. The family are soon to go away for the London season, a lot of the staff are going too but I'm not, they don't need me there so I must stay and help Mrs (insert name of current housekeeper). The young ladies will be staying but the governess will be in charge of them so I'm free to relax - as much as you can in a house like this._

_The only thing I'm sad about is Charles because he is butler he'll be going with them, it's only a month but it still seems like such a long time. Last year I'd only just met him before he went with them so it wasn't too hard but over the last year, things have changed dramatically and it's so hard to let him go now. While the family are out dining and dancing at the parties of other families, he'll be left to go around London, what if he meets another woman, a month is long enough to get to know someone and begin to pursue a romantic relationship. No no, he wouldn't do that, I may not know him all that well but from what I do know, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't enter a relationship because London's so far away. But then again, they do say love travels around the world and back again if it has to, what if he fell in love? I'm trying not to think about it, it's so selfish really, not wanting him to find someone else instead of me, he's never even looked twice at me, I'm just the head housemaid, he would never consider me and anyway he's too caught up in his job to even find love when it's right under his nose. Luckily, it won't be long before Mrs Croft retires, then I'll become housekeeper, I think she's planning to retire around Christmas so I won't be too long before I can spend more time with Charles, make him see me as the housekeeper instead of the silly young housemaid. I was worried, after turning down Joe that I wouldn't have any more marriage offers, especially since I was going into service. I wouldn't say I'm too old to get married still, I'm only 29, but then again, it can take a while in service to find a husband, plus when you do get married, you lose you r home, income and family. Im not sure I want to leave Downton, but if it had to be with anyone, I hope it would be with Charles.  
>Oh for heaven's sake Elsie! I barely know the man and I'm already willing to give up everything if it means I can be with him – think this is what they describe as love.<em>

He at those last 8 words, in fact, he stared at all of it. Surely he hadn't just read that 13 Years ago, Elsie had been in love with him?  
>He couldn't help it, he had to know more and more importantly, whether she still felt like that now, so he began to read entry after entry.<p>

_11__th__ June 1891_

_Three days without Charles, sigh.  
>My, I sound like an adolescent, I really should start acting like a mature 29 year old about to be promoted to housekeeper. But whenever I think about becoming housekeeper all I can think about is being able to work beside Charles, spending hours with him on top of what I already. It sounds like heaven.<br>I'm counting down to his return, and then I can count down to becoming housekeeper.  
>To think, I won't be called Elsie anymore, they'll have to address me as Mrs Hughes, that adds at least ten years onto me, wonderful.<em>

_7__th__ July 1891_

_The day has finally arrived, he arrives home this morning just before the family do. I couldn't care less what I need to do when they get here, all that's on my mind is his return, so I can finally see him. I'm looking forward to seeing his face, to welcome him home with Mrs Croft.  
>I had a dream of this day last night, except I was already housekeeper;<em>

'_We were walking out together and this was the first London season since we began our romantic relationship. He'd come back from the season a day early, my half day off, so I'd just gone out into the village when he came home.  
>When I returned though, I found a bunch of roses on my desk, with a note on them saying;<em>

_To my beautiful Scottish Rose,  
>I bring you gifts from London,<br>But most importantly I bring you my love,  
>Evermore with the time I've waited to see your face once again.<em>

_C._

_It was the most romantic thing he'd ever done. I smiled at the note and pressed it to my lips, giggling. I turned round to see him leaning against the closed door, a smug look on his face. I smiled and ran into his arms, letting him lift me up so we were the same height, he twirled me round and sat on the sofa, leaning me back about to kiss me…_

_Then I woke up, which was a shame, I can only imagine how his lips must have felt against mine, how warm his body would feel pressed against mine, how he would run his fingers through my hair. How I long for him to be mine, this isn't fair, I get so distracted, watching him during the day, at mealtimes and whenever I see him going into Mrs Crofts sitting room, closing the door, I feel a sharp sting of jealousy. I want him to come and spend evenings with me, not that old bat! _

_He went straight to her, straight to that cow. God how I hate her, it's not like me to feel this strongly against someone but she's always with him, never lets him have a moment alone with me. I need to tell him at some point, I cannot keep my feelings in forever, I need to get him alone one day and tell him, preferably without Mrs Croft lurking somewhere nearby. I know he probably chooses to spend time with her, he doesn't notice me much, but if only he did, we could walk to the village together, share secrets, talk about our past – we could be best friends. I know that'll happen before anything remotely romantic occurs._

He couldn't believe what he was reading, he'd always thought she was so fond of Mrs Croft, but this would clearly suggest otherwise.  
>That dream, he wondered if she'd ever had it again, how he wished he could have made that a reality. If only he had been able to get rid of Mrs Croft, he could have found that moment alone with Elsie that she so desperately wanted and needed as it seemed.<p>

'Oh Elsie, if only you'd told me, we could've spent our lives together' he thought, resting his head on the back of the seat.

He wondered what she would make of his journal.

**Reviews always welcome, I really benefit from them, your the reader so I'd like to know what you think :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you for all your lovely reviews so far, I'm glad you like the storyline.**

She wandered around aimlessly, not many staff had gone but it felt desolate. Mrs Hughes paced up and down the servants hall not knowing what to do, she'd finished all her work for the day and it wasn't even lunchtime. She glanced into the kitchen to see Mrs Patmore sitting at her little desk writing. 'That's something I could do I suppose' she thought and made her way to her sitting room.

She slumped into her chair at the desk and opened the top drawer where the journal was sitting dominating this small space. She took it out, running her hand over the smooth cover. She did this every time she picked it up, remembering all the times she'd written in it, confessing her deepest thoughts, dreams and desires. Certainly things she wouldn't want others reading, there was something about having a strict demeanour as housekeeper that meant those private moments of emotion and expression were precious and she regularly logged her feelings.  
>She ran her finger down the spine and reached over with her thumb to open it.<p>

Unlike Mr Carson, it only took her one look at the inside to know what had happened, she slammed the book onto the desk and put her head in her hands. This was a disaster, he had her diary, her diary was her rock, of course she could be open with him but it was a whole new level of honesty with her diary. She lifted her head to look at her reflection in the mirror above her desk, she had two fresh tear tracks on her cheeks. This was it, this was the end of their friendship, he was unlikely to speak to her again when he read the things she had written. She hoped he wouldn't, if he realised the mistake hopefully he would respect her privacy, but he had a month away, so she guessed he would read it as he didn't have his own.

'What if he's the same though? What if, there's a chance he might have loved me and written about it. Surely he wouldn't just write about how he handled the wine delivery or how well the dinner went.' Like her, wouldn't he write about his thoughts and feelings?

Her hand stretched out towards the book again but she pulled back, 'I'm supposed to be his friend! What kind of a friend does this?' But how much did she trust him to have the same restraint as her.  
>'I won't continue if it gets really personal, but if he's going to read the things I've written then there can't be much worse in here'<p>

She looked towards the diary for a moment before reaching out to pick it up. She had to know the things he wasn't telling her.  
>She opened the diary to the first page, noticing that he had started it the same day she had started hers.<p>

_7__th__ June 1893_

_Well, what to say? Today has been the same as it always is, but there's one small detail of difference, today marks a year since the Northern beauty first arrived - the day my life suddenly had meaning._

'Good God! His name for me was Northern Beauty' she thought, giggling to herself. 'Do I really need to read on? The fact he wrote about it being my one year anniversary and called me a Northern Beauty, shows he must have had feelings for me, doesn't it?  
>But this was 10 years ago, his feelings could have so easily changed, she'd have to read on to find out.<p>

_I wish I could have celebrated with her, we could have cuddled up together on the settee in my pantry with a glass of wine. But no, instead I spent the evening talking to Mrs Croft about all the cute things Lady Sybil did today. I was only half listening, to be honest I don't even thing I was half listening, all I could think about was having Elsie all to myself for the evening, I so desperately wanted her, just to be with her, to be in her company instead of this old bat. On and on, Lady Sybil did this Lady Sybil did that, I'd take more interest if she was talking about carrot growing! Well it won't be long before Mrs Crofts sitting room becomes Mrs Hughes's sitting room, wow that changed her demeanour almost entirely, to him she'd always been Elsie, the beautiful, witty and clever head housemaid. Soon, she'd become Mrs Hughes, the beautiful, strict housekeeper. I hope she doesn't change that much, I will always love her of course but I like her playful, cheeky side so I hope she'll save it for our evenings together. That's if she wants to spend the evenings with me, she might not, she might not want to spend all her time with the stuffy old butler, I'm not sure exactly how old she is but in my opinion she can't be more than 30, 25 even, she's got such a youthful look. Although I'm still only 34, I doubt she'd look twice, she could have her pick of anyone in the world with her beauty and personality, I've noticed the footman watching her as she walks past, their gaze lasting much longer than it should.  
>I wonder if she knows just how much attention she attracts.<em>

'No I didn't' she thought, she'd never even realised that the footman watched her, let alone Charles.  
>She flicked through a few pages, noticing how often her name appeared there.<br>She stopped as she saw the change in date, she looked at the last page and noticed there was an 8 day gap.

_4__th__ January 1894_

_Well, the old bat's finally gone and the young angel had been promoted, it was unquestionable really she was so good as a housemaid and able to do just as well when it came to keeping the other staff in line as Mrs Croft, in fact sometimes she was better, though to me she's always been better, in every way, better than any other woman I've ever met.  
>I look at the wall in my pantry knowing that she's in the next room, I confess sometimes I press my hand against the wall and imagine her on the other side doing the same.<br>I haven't as yet though spent the evening with her as I used to with Mrs Croft, during the day we've popped in on each other, asking questions about work but we've never sat down with a cup of tea like I used to with Mrs Croft. I have offered to make her a cup of tea in the evenings but she's always rushing off to bed, sometimes even before the kitchen maids. It's very odd, I hope it's not to do with me but I can't help wondering, those evening meetings were supposed to be my way of getting to know her better – how am I supposed to do that if she keeps avoiding me?_

'Oh God' she thought, she'd avoided him because she was worried of giving herself away. She found herself blushing whenever she was around him, luckily during the day she'd always have somewhere else to be but sitting with him in the evenings she was trapped and it would make life very awkward if she had to admit to how she felt – she'd doubted he would return her feelings.

They'd spent 11 years wondering and now they knew how each other had felt and it would be a month before they saw each other again.  
>"It's going to be one awkward homecoming" she sighed as she put the book away and made her way to bed, now she could dream of how he would act when he came home <em>this <em>time.

**Please review, hoping you're still liking the storyline, I'm enjoying writing it :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for all the positive feedback :D Glad you all like it and are willing to stick with it.**

As it was Lady Sybil's first season, the family had been spending a lot of time outside of Grantham house so Carson found himself with nothing to do, he spent some time with Mr Bates, but he and Anna were nearly always together so they only spoke briefly.  
>He had a little study at Grantham house, not as big as his pantry back at Downton but adequate for the short amount of time he spent there.<br>He found he regularly thought about Elsie's diary, he 'd locked it in a drawer, it really would be the end of the world is a prying lady's maid or footman were to find it, that would be bad enough, let alone if they read it. He was very careful not to make it noticed, all his companions had been preoccupied on the train so he'd gotten away with it, but now they were all bored with nothing to do, he was careful not to let anyone see him with it.  
>He'd also taken it to bed with him, but that was only because he wanted to know it was safe, not at all because it had the familiar scent of lavender about it.<br>He'd considered writing to her, they usually exchanged letters as they were so close, but he wondered if he should inform her of the mistake, though he thought she probably already knew, he couldn't decide though. Would she trust him not to have read it even though he must have looked to find out it was hers. But then, if she hadn't realised she has his diary, could her trust her not to read it now. 'Maybe I should read some more before I decide whether to write.'

He found himself alone one evening so decided he would have another sneak peek at another entry, he wasn't making a habit of it, he hadn't looked at it since the train and that was 3 days ago.

He took the diary out of his drawer and held it up so he could kiss the soft cover the scent of lavender engulfing him in memories. Her head had always been at the right height so whenever she stood next to him the smell wafted up from her hair, he suspected she must put some on her comb so her hair always smelt nice.

He'd last read about how she was waiting to be promoted to housekeeper, he chose however to read further on, to when she was housekeeper, their relationship became closer when she moved up to be his equal, they spent more time together and gradually became very close friends.

_14th__ February 1894_

_Valentine's day today, brilliant(!) I've been in a foul mood all day; I thought you were supposed to be happy on this day of love – well not me!  
>It started this morning, my stomach was knotted and I didn't know why until I came down to my sitting room to look at the calendar and see what day it was. I remember staring at the calendar for ages until I jumped out of my skin when he knocked at my door. Charles stood there looking reasonably cheerful (well at least he was happy, that relieved me a bit) he wished me a happy Valentine's day and reminded me I needed to see Lady Grantham about some family friends she wanted to stay soon. I could barely reply, I wanted so badly to just run to him, throw my arms around his neck and kiss him until Christmas – but I cant. On the day of love, I'm restricted to sitting at the side lines watching all these maids and footman giving each other little gifts and stealing kisses when they think I'm not looking and I can't do any of that with the man I love – well I could, but I'd be thrown over very quickly.<em>

'If only she had' he thought, another opportunity they'd missed because they were too scared of the other not feeling the same way.

_This carried on the whole day, at lunch time I finished quicker than he did and saw his hand lying on the table, I so desperately wanted to reach out and take it in mine – but I couldn't. I excused myself early and ran to my room, I began to cry, this is crazy, I cannot go on like this – watching him and having to restrain myself. It's too hard!  
>Once I composed myself I carried on with my work, ate dinner as fast as I could and practically ran to my sitting room. I couldn't bear to look at him any longer – if he can't be mine, I don't want to have to face him.<em>

He leaned back against his chair, 'had she got so upset that she'd repressed all her love and replaced it with hate?' he wondered, 'no, she'd never shown any signs of hating him, only friendship. But then again, she'd never shown any signs of loving him and here she was confessing it'  
>She certainly was good at hiding her feelings.<p>

_15th February 1894_

_I had that stupid dream again last night, that one where I find a bunch of roses on my desk, but this time they were Valentine Roses. I thought I knew what love was but I clearly don't because this is taking over my entire life, I have to try so hard not to be distracted while I work, as well as trying to discreetly hide my glances around the family and at meals. It's just too hard to resist him, I could write forever about how and why I love him, but there isn't enough paper in the world for me to do so. The only thing I can confide in about my feelings is this, he is my closet friend otherwise and we are beginning to talk a lot more in the evening and we discuss business regularly, but I'm not about to go and confess my love to him all that soon.  
>I didn't like to think of him yesterday all alone in his pantry on Valentine's day when I would so happily be there with him, I'd go anyway for him, I'd follow him to the ends of the Earth if he asked me to, of course Im not so naïve I would just go and give everything up straight away for him but it wouldn't take me long to do so anyway, maybe a few hours after he'd asked me?<br>Well I don't have to worry about that, I'm sure he'd prefer a more mature women, in fact I'm not sure what he'd prefer, I just can't imagine him being all that interested in me._

'Oh Elsie, if only you'd have said something, you'd have found that I was interested in you, so very interested'  
>He almost hated to read it, read how she worked herself up thinking he wouldn't look twice at her when really all he ever looked at <em>was <em>her, he read on.

_It's just silly really, I came into service, turning down a marriage proposal because I wanted to do this, I shouldn't now be wanting to change my mind. I've made my decision and I must stick to it – I came to Downton to work, not to love and that is exactly what I'll do!_

He dropped the diary on the floor and stared at it, lying upside down. She was upset because she thought he didn't love her, she gave up because she thought he didn't love her, she stopped loving him …

Because she thought he didn't love her.

**Reviews welcome as ever :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Glad you're sticking with me, if you think it's going a bit off or if you have any good ideas please tell me :)**

It was surprising how similar their situations were, they were both alone with a lot of time on their hands. It was this that allowed them to delve deeper and deeper into each other's past and feelings.

Walking into her sitting room, Mrs Hughes waded through a sea of paper – her failed attempts at letters to him. What should she say? Should she mention his diary or not, how would he react knowing she must have read it to find this out, he might have been a gentleman and not read hers – how would he react to learning she had read his.  
>Her decision was not to write, she would simply slip the diary back into his pantry just before he returned.<p>

She had been hesitant about reading it again, she thought she must be dreaming after hearing that he'd loved her, it seemed unreal – years of wondering, holding herself back and he'd been doing the same thing! She'd never considered he returned her feelings so she'd never looked for the obvious signs, worried she might be imagining them. But now she had full impeachable proof that he did, well had, what If he didn't anymore? It was 20 years ago, who's to say that in that time he hadn't stopped loving her, or found someone else. This last thought caused her fist to clench, she couldn't bear to think of Charles with anyone else, no other woman would have a hope of loving him like she did, she felt selfish in saying it but she would happily fight off any woman that tried to make a move on him.  
>She'd been wondering where she stood, did she still love him? She was certainly flattered at the things he'd said about her but did she love him anymore? In the 20 years of feelings being locked up, she'd had another marriage proposal and turned it down – for him. Surely that meant she still loved him. She wondered for a moment how that proposal had affected him, there was only way to find out. She took the diary out of the drawer and ran her finger down the crease in the spine that got deeper as she read it so often<p>

_6__th__ May 1913_

_I clearly mean nothing to her! She went off this evening with an old flame and came back 'sparkly eyed,' if I knew who this man was I would certainly go and make sure his intentions were innocent, informing him if he didn't take care of her he'd have me to answer to.  
>But it's no use, if she does leave to get married, it's not exactly the most appropriate time to say "no don't go, I'm actually in love with you," I'm not sure she'd take it very well.<br>Well that's it then, if she's leaving I'm going to have to get over my feelings for her, there's no way I'll be able to get much done if I continue to pine over her, but I can't help loving her saying that I cant help hating her too. Doesn't she realise how much we need her here, how much I need her here, the house barely functioned for one night without her, even if we replace her, no one else will be as good, no one can ever replace Elsie – and she's slipping through my fingers._

She looked up, that night she'd been so happy, thinking she could escape her job and have the life she'd never had, she had thought about Charles but clearly not as much as he'd thought about her. 

_8th May 1913  
><span>__She's noticed that I've been yawning, I had to make up and excuse, I can hardly tell her the truth;_

"_what's wrong Mr Carson?"_

"_Oh nothing to worry about, I've just been kept awake all night terrified that you'll leave to marry a man that isn't me"_

_I can see that conversation going very well.  
>But if I'm honest I've been lucky to get a chance to speak to her at all today, she's been acting so distant over the last couple of days, locks herself away in her sitting room and whenever I go to talk to her she has some excuse about needing to be left alone, I don't imagine I've done something wrong as she doesn't seem to want to speak to anybody but I can't help worrying that something's on her mind that she's not sharing. I can't help but worry that she's distant because she's considering leaving, I can only pray numerous times that she isn't, but what if she does, as she's leaving do I declare my love, I can just see it;<em>

'_It's beginning to rain, she's leaving, bag in hand, she walks out of the door, just as I'm about to close it, I chose to run after her. She turns round at the sound of running footsteps, I lift her up so she's my height and she drops her bag, I kiss her passionately and ask her not to leave, for me, to stay and love me as I love her, she graciously accepts saying she was only leaving because she thought I didn't love her.'_

_Well that's what I'd like to happen, in reality she'd probably slap me saying there was never a more inappropriate moment to do that than the day she leaves to get married.  
>But I wonder if I should tell her anyway, before she informs me she's leaving, at least give her something to stay for, let her reconsider, but again, if she didn't want to be married it would only make things awkward here.<em>

'Oh Mr Carson, you didn't need to tell me to give me something to stay for,' she sat staring ahead wondering what it would be like if she had left, no, she mustn't think of that, she mustn't think of the life she never had, it wouldn't do her any good. But she couldn't help but imagine what could have happened if Charles'd told her when they were younger, they could have married, had children of their own, no! She mustn't remind herself of what she doesn't have, she distracted herself by reading the next entry.

_9__th__ May 1913_

_I think I have a lot to thank God for tonight, and not just for Elsie as I usually do but this time for whatever reason she found to make her decision.  
>She could've stayed, she could've gone. I was on edge in waiting until she told me she'd stay.<em>

_She came to me later in the evening, asking if I thought she was right in turning Joe down or if I thought she should go and have the life she'd never had. I so wished to say she could have it with me instead but I held my tongue and simply said she should do what her heart told her, not what I did._

_But I couldn't help smiling as I went to bed, so yes I was going to have to continue loving her from a far unable to tell her, but at least I wasn't watching her with someone else or having to deal with her absence until I inevitably died of a broken heart. No, I tell myself that this is a good thing, that this is what I want, to have her here. With me._

She could've kicked herself, she'd stayed for him and had wanted to tell him that evening but he never gave her the chance when he said she should follow her heart. She'd wanted him to say he didn't want her to leave then she could subtly hint that she didn't want to leave because she was in love with him – well, as subtle as she could say it.

She suddenly noticed something she thought rather odd, she flicked through the pages, there were very large time gaps between them.

_25__th__ July 1913_

_I haven't written as I've not much to say to be honest, or more I don't know what to say._

_She's still here, so am I and we still live with a barrier between us, I call it doubt, I wish I could tell her, but it's the worry that she wouldn't return my feelings and the possibility of having to leave, it would take a lot of sneaking around or leaving to marry, despite working here for 40 odd years I haven't acquired enough money to support us long enough. I cannot decide. _

_I only wish she would give me some hint as to whether she might return my feelings, then I'd know if it was safe to tell her._

That got Elsie thinking, she found that she didn't have anyone to talk to that evening, Mrs Patmore retired early and she found herself wondering the servant's hall. She leant against the dining table and made her final decision, to tell him, when Charles came back she would tell him that she'd always loved him and still did and if he'd still have her, he could.

**I hope you all enjoyed the Christmas Special, and have a lovely Christmas :) Please review**


	6. Chapter 6

**Not quite sure what to say, hope you still like it :)**

Mr Carson had been panicking, he'd had a brief scare after reading that entry of Elsie's diary, beginning to think that she'd changed her mind and no longer loved him but all it took was turning the page to find her mind had changed;

_Oh how can I say I don't love him, there's no way of denying it, I do love him, I love him too much to give him up. I've never wanted anyone else, only Charles and he's all I'll ever want. I know he won't be interested in me but I'll stick through it, it pains me to be in love when he doesn't return it but I can't go pretending I don't love him, it would take something drastic to change my feeling for him._

He continued to read her entries, he was now far beyond respecting her privacy, he didn't feel he was invading it in any way, he was discovering that she was in love with him, she clearly wanted him to know but never plucked up the courage in fear of rejection.  
>It was nearing the end of the season and he would be returning to Yorkshire within a week, he'd heard from Anna (via Gwen) that despite not having any specific duties they were all very tired, especially Mrs Hughes, a few were even unwell. He decided he would arrange a little surprise for her to lift her spirits and finally admit to her what she'd wanted to hear for 24 years.<p>

He returned to his pantry with a smug smile, he had just received a reply from the gardener back at Downton, he was preparing a little surprise for his little Scottish Rose, upon his return. He was planning to fulfil her dreams to the finest detail, he planned to combine all her wants into one bold display of love and affection.  
>He had read of another dream that she'd once had, it was just as romantic as the first one.<p>

_I really should watch what I eat because something keeps provoking these dreams, last night I dreamt that after I'd found the roses, Charles had come up behind me, putting his arms around my waist saying;_

"_It has been to long my dear,  
>Keeping silent on my part.<br>I must let you know my dear,  
>What is in my heart.<em>

_You are the light of my life my dear,  
>I love you from my core.<br>And if you'll accept me my dear,  
>I'll love you forever more."<em>

_It was very sweet, but I still felt rather sad at it, almost reminded me of what I don't have or will have, it's a shame but I decided that I would love him regardless and love him I will do!_

He had memorised this rhyme and could say it backwards but he knew it, years of butlering so he was an expert in remembering details. He hoped she would remember, she didn't often mention dreams in her later entries but as long as she still loved him, he hoped she wouldn't have forgotten.  
>He was very nervous, he'd never been nervous, not even in his 'Cheerful Charlie' days, for the first time in his life he felt genuine terror at the prospect of what he was going to do.<p>

It was one afternoon when Charles decided to tackle another issue plaguing his mind, he went inot his Lordships dressing room just after Bates had left, Robert treated both men very well, treating them both as equals, discussing both business and personal matters.

"M'lord, I wonder if I might ask you something?"

"Of course Carson"

He lifted the jacket onto Roberts shoulders and brushed it down,  
>"I was wondering my lord, how you feel about the staff .. walking out .. with each other?"<p>

Robert paused for a moment, clearly wondering what had spurred this on,  
>"well, I wouldn't turn them out of theur jobs just for a simple romance but marriage is a different matter."<p>

"Ahh, I thought so"

"Why? Are you planning to pop the question to someone?" he winked at Carson

"Oh, not me m'lord but I get the feeling that some of the staff might not be far off"

"Well, if Im honest, if the staff were marrying outside the house, I wouldn't have thought they would want to stay on, but if they were marrying inside the house… it would depend who they were."

"You'd be more obliged to keep the more senior staff on?"

"Well yes, those that we value highly and would struggle to replace"

Carson smiled as he left, wondering if Robert had realised what he meant, there were rumours of Anna and Bates's possible marriage soon so he guessed Robert wouldn't have realised.  
>As he returned to his pantry he thought about the prospect of marrying Elsie, they knew each other well enough, they'd just never been romantically involved with each other, despite being in love for 20 years, they'd just never known of the other's feelings.<p>

He decided he would first get telling her that he still loved her over first before he thought about proposing, if she felt she wanted time to get to know him romantically before entering marriage then he'd let her. He would quite happily just go and meet her at the church right now. Reading all that she felt only made him love her, he was counting on her not being able to get over her feelings.

The next few days were filled with helping Mr Bates pack and getting the heavy luggage ready to be taken back to Downton, he would leave and return a day early so he could have the luggage unpacked. He was leaving Bates in charge or making sure William returned safely too, Anna had received a letter from him saying he'd been there when his mother had died, Charles had informed his Lordship as well.  
>In his free moments, he recited the rhyme and decided what he would do when he met her. He wanted to recreate her dream, but what if she was too busy? What if someone walked in while he was trying to tell her? There were so many what ifs that could ruin it, he could only hope and pray that it all went smoothly.<p>

He was on the train back to Downton, William had decided to come back early too. He said Mrs Hughes has been writing o him she'd always been like another mother to him ever since he arrived as a shy homesick hall boy, when his mother had grown ill they'd become even closer. He suspected that as she had no children of her own she was easily maternal towards her staff, they thought she was strict but if they were ever upset she was actually very comforting, she was motherly towards all the younger staff.  
>As they sat in the compartment, he clutched her diary to his chest, stroking it lightly with his thumb. William wasn't concentrating so he hadn't noticed Mr Carson's attachment to this book.<br>He was worried it would fall out of his bag or he would leave it at Grantham House, so he'd kept it on his person all day.

As they pulled into the station they were assisted in transporting all the luggage by Branson, they got into the car and made their way home. As he saw Downton it suddenly dawned on him what he was about to do, his heart began to race he could feel his palms begin to sweat and his breaths became quicker. He checked his watch, they would be eating luncheon.

It wasn't long before he would enter her pantry and tell her how he felt.  
>And there was no going back now.<p>

**Please review, not long till the end now ;) Hope you're not bored of it by now :p**


	7. Chapter 7

**I can't believe myself how quickly I'm updating this at the busiest time of the year ;) I know that it wasn't until the beginning of series 2 that Mrs Hughes and Mrs Patmore became better friends but I wanted to have them as friends :)**

She has been tapping her fingers impatiently on her desk, she glanced at the clock, only a minute since she'd last looked. She'd only just finished breakfast and still had nothing to do, they family were returning till tomorrow and she was now bored out of her mind waiting for Charles's return, the anticipation made her excited and nervous but at the moment she was just annoyed that this day was taking so long. She'd finished all the books she had in her sitting room, the only thing left was the diary, she didn't feel like reading it, not anymore, she was too excited to read into it anymore. If she read any more about how he loved her, the day would only get longer and longer.

She had walked the entirety of the house twice, it wasn't even an hour since she'd looked.

She was getting angry, the day was taking so long, she needed the day to be over so she could tell Charles, she leant against a pillar and sighed thinking about the last 20 years;

She'd loved him and he'd loved her but they'd never known of each other's feelings. They'd been through the torture of staring at each other during the day, at dinner, in the evenings, forced to look at each other and keep their true feelings hidden when they could have had a life together if only they had spoken out earlier. It was stupid really, wasting years and years of opportunities, they'd gained a friendship that could never be forgotten but now she was ready to have him as a lover, a husband even. They weren't getting any younger, so before she aged too much for him to stop thinking she was beautiful, she was going to tell him she felt the same way. She wondered how she should tell him; should she get him alone in her pantry in the evening and tell him over a glass of wine as they sat by the fire? Should she tell him as soon as he got in the door? No she should let him take his hat and coat off first at least. Should she wait till he came past her pantry then pull him in by his tie, press him against the door and kiss him passionately? She blushed at the last thought, as nice as that would be, she didn't want to give the poor man a heart attack.  
>She found surprisingly that this thought had taken a good 10 minutes and she smiled when she saw it was now time for luncheon.<p>

It was only in the London season that Daisy and Mrs Patmore would eat with the staff, there weren't many servants to eat with so they joined them. They all managed to fit at the end of the table nearest the piano and for once Mrs Hughes had chosen to eat at that end with them, she was reminded of her housemaid days. While Daisy was engaged in conversation with one of the youngest housemaids, Mrs Patmore was in deep conversation with Elsie, she was surprised just how quickly time flied when she was distracted. She smiled to herself as she placed her knife and fork together on her plate and got up to leave.

She walked to her pantry in a reasonably happy mood, humming to herself, if she stayed in a happy mood then the day wouldn't take so long, at least she hoped it wouldn't. However when she entered, she took one look at her coat and decided that she would go for a walk, it was a reasonably nice summers day so she put on her hat and coat and left.

There was a slight breeze but she took no notice, she chose to go through the grounds rather than to the village, it would be easy enough to make her way back to the house that way plus there was less chance she would be disturbed. She was trying to waste time, but now being outside she couldnt tell how long it'd been, not long she suspected. She heard the sound of a car nearby but didn't turn to where the sound came from, being too deep in thought. She thought about going for walks with Charles, arm in arm, her head resting on his shoulder and they'd then sit on the bench underneath the old oak tree, they wouldn't speak, simply sit knowing they loved each other dearly. He would put his arm around her shoulder and she would lean against him, lifting her feet to rest on the end of the bench so she could lie against him, stroking his chest through his coat. Despite being 52, she wouldn't lose any sense of love for him, age didn't matter to them, just that they were in that moment would be enough. He would then bring his hand to hers and kiss it lightly and as she lifted her head he would kiss her lips just as gently, she would then smile knowing that years of waiting were over and they were finally what they were meant to be – together.  
>She broke from this thought and reaslised that as she'd been dreaming up this fantasy she'd walked almost a mile from the house as she recognised that little stream that began in front of her, this stream ran through the furthest parts of the grounds, she looked up at the sky to see it slightly clouding over, last thing she wanted was it to rain. As much as she liked rain, she couldnt do with catching a cold just before Charles returned, so she decided to return back to the house.<br>She entered through the back door, taking off her hat and beginning to undo her coat as she moved towards her pantry, she smiled as she thought it wouldnt be too long before Charles came through this door and her moment would arrive.

But when she opened the door to her pantry and nearly fainted at what she saw…

**Oh I know you'll hate me for this, but I wanted the chapters about their POV to be separate from the ones when they are together. I'm sorry to leave it on a cliff hanger ;)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Very sorry for the cliff hanger but I just couldn't resist :p I read so many Chelsie stories where you put me on cliff hangers so I wanted to do it to ;)**

She stood frozen, she couldn't believe what she saw in front of her. Blinking rapidly she tried to see if it was a dream – but it wasn't. Well it was, it was her dream, she remembered it well, but it wasn't a dream now, this was real, it was happening. She couldn't even believe it was happening, almost as if everything she'd learnt over the last 4 months suddenly didn't seem real. She couldn't believe what she saw in front of her.  
>She carefully hung up her hat and coat, pushing the door too, but not closing it entirely. She turned back, expecting to see her normal empty sitting room with nothing out of the ordinary expecting it to have disappeared, thinking it might be a trick of her imagination. But it was still there, bringing a good deal of light and colour to her normally dark and bland sitting room. She couldn't imagine what they were doing there, who had put them there, why they were there even – well she hoped, but she didn't know, she'd spent her whole life hoping but as she'd got older and wiser, she'd learnt not to jump to conclusions so quickly and instead to discover the truth before hope takes over too much. Cautiously, she made her way over to her desk.<p>

On which there stood a bunch of fresh red roses in full bloom, tied together with a white ribbon.

Her trembling hand reached for the note, she didn't need to read it, she knew what it would say, or at least she hoped she did, this dream was already unfolding into a reality right in front of her. The note was folded in half with her name inscribed on it, she ran her finger along it, feeling each individual indent of where the pen had pressed deeper into the paper.  
>Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and opened it, she held it open but kept her eyes tightly shut and bit her lip, she dared to open one eye and peek at what was written;<p>

_To my beautiful Scottish Rose,  
>I bring you gifts from London,<br>But most importantly I bring you my love,  
>Evermore with the time I've waited to see your face once again.<em>

_I think it's high time you knew,_

_C._

She held her breath as she read the new edition to the original letter from her dream, she knew they were from him, she knew what the note would say, but somehow it still surprised her that she was getting them. She knew it meant he had read her personal diary but it was the furthest thing from her mind as she read _my beautiful Scottish Rose _over and over again. She somehow couldn't believe it, she knew he loved her, she'd read it, his own writing, he'd written that he loved her. It was something about seeing it for real, that he still loved her now, there was something very different about that.  
>She was still holding her breath until she felt two arm slide around her waist and a body being pressed against her back, she exhaled and closed her eyes, inhaling the smell of his aftershave and smiling as she finally felt what it was like to have him hold her rather than imagining.<br>They were both silent, knowing what had to come next, he knew this, he knew what to say, he'd practiced it enough, but every time he opened his mouth, no words came out. Feeling his nerves she laid her hand on his which rested on her stomach and he found the words inside him, those words that she knew so well and had waited so long to hear from him;

"It has been to long my dear,  
>Keeping silent on my part.<em><br>_I must let you know my dear,  
>What is in my heart.<p>

You are the light of my life my dear,  
>I love you from my core.<br>And if you'll accept me my dear,  
>I'll love you forever more."<p>

She couldn't think what to say but instead breathed a sigh of relief which she combined with a laugh.

"You knew?"

"Yes, but for the same reason you knew about the roses"

"Shall we dispense with the apologies?"

"I wouldn't want you to apologise" she turned around in his arms, smiling up at the man she'd been dreaming of for 24 years who was now finally holding her in the way she'd wanted him to ever since she arrived.

"Do you think maybe we should resort to telling each other how we feel now, instead of needing to read each other's diaries to find out?"

"Charles, I would have told you years ago but…" she was cut off as he pressed his lips against hers, deciding that walks in the grounds could be when they shared their gentle kissed, she threw her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her. He deepened the kiss and heard her moan softly, he could almost feel what 24 years of yearning had done to her so he placed both his hands on her back with no intention of moving them even when they broke away from each other, he felt her go weak at the knees so he held her tight to him, stroking her back lightly while she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Oh my darling how I've longed to do that" he kissed her neck before pulling back so he could look more closely into those blue eyes he'd also loved from a far.

"We should have said something, years ago, one of us…." She looked away and glanced at the floor, she mustn't get emotional and start crying! She should be happy they finally knew about each other's feelings!

"What's done is done we cannot change the past but we can plan for the future, I want my future with you Elsie Hughes, I want you _to be _my future!"

"I have always been your future, whenever in those 24 years I would be was unknown but I was always yours from my first day here"

He smiled down at her trying to contain his on tears of happiness as he rested his forehead into her hair, taking in her scent and thinking of the many times he would now be able to do this, while she lovingly stroked his neck.

"We won't have to leave will we?" she whispered, hoping it wouldn't spoil their happy moment

"No, even if we marry, his Lordship won't turn us out of our jobs"

"You told him you want to marry me?" she looked up in a mixture of shock and hope.

"Not explicitly but he values the senior staff and would be more inclined to keep us on even if we marry"

She gasped in delight at this prospect and kissed him again, standing on the points of her feet, supported by him.

24 years of writing, 24 years of waiting, 24 years of holding back.  
>It took a bunch of roses and a poem to bring them together, despite the wait they could both agree, as they sat on that bench with her lying against his chest fiddling with the wedding ring on her left hand, that it was well worth it.<p>

**:D I hoped you liked it, thank you for all your kind reviews**


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